


Self-esteem

by LilNeps



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bullying, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 21:06:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7190459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilNeps/pseuds/LilNeps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You've never really had much self-esteem. You found yourself 'cute' at times, looking in the mirror, but nothing more. At times, you just wished to not own a mirror at all. You hide it all behind a kind smile and a cheery attitude, because usually you don't really mind, you've got other good points in you and you appreciate them.</p><p>Being picked on your insecurities isn't of much help, though.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-esteem

You're the only one home.

You're glad, really. Lately you've been feeling quite down, and sometimes nothing you did managed to distract you and you'd start crying seemingly out of nowhere.

You have a reason, though.

You've never really had much self-esteem. You found yourself 'cute' at times, looking in the mirror, but nothing more. At times, you just wished to not own a mirror at all. You hide it all behind a kind smile and a cheery attitude, because usually you don't really mind, you've got other good points in you and you appreciate them.

Being picked on your insecurities isn't of much help, though.

You don't know what you did. Maybe you said something wrong, or you bumped into someone and didn't apologize because you were in a hurry. You have no clue. You only know that lately at school some people have started calling you names, laughing at you, said stuff that really killed your mood. It wouldn't have been a problem if it was one person, or if it wasn't about things you really don't care about, but it was a whole group of people hating on you and pushing on your insecurities for no apparent reason, so it's wearing you down quite a lot.

No matter what you try, they don't seem to plan on stopping.

A sob escapes your lips, as tears roll down your cheeks.

«Why, why, why...» Wrapped in the blankets, you lay on the bed, pressing your face against your pillow. In front of your family and your friends, you try to stay strong and smile, acting as you always do, but when you're alone... you let it all out. It's the best way to cope with it, at the moment - the only one you have.

Your phone starts to ring, and you bite your lip to try to calm yourself down. Your hand is trembling, but you ignore it and take the cellphone, taking a big breath before answering.

«Hello?» Your voice trembles a bit, so you clear your throat to make sure it doesn't happen again.

«...it's Nishinoya. Are you okay?» Of course he picked it up. He always seems to be able to read your mood - and you usually manage to convince him nothing is wrong, but something tells you it'll be different this time.

«Yeah, I am. What did you want?» You try to sound as cheerful as possible. Closing your eyes, you concentrate on his usual big and shining smile, sending away all bad thoughts. That should cheer you up, shouldn't it?

«You sure? Anyway, I just wanted to ask you if you were feeling up to go out? Tanaka and Asahi are coming too, and I'm asking the others as well. We thought it'd be nice to have fun for a bit!» He laughs, and you can hear his excitement through his words.

«No, I... I'm kind of tired, so I'm going to stay home and rest, sorry. Make sure to have fun for me too!» Laughing seems impossible, but you try anyway. All that comes out is a sob, though. You clear your throat again, loudly, hoping he didn't hear anything.

«...I see. Alright, rest well! See you!» He hangs up before you can say another word, and you're kind of glad, really. The thoughts that were haunting you before are coming back, and you feel tears coming up again. You lay your phone on your bedside table.

 

You're not really sure how much time passed since the call, but the tears have finally stopped. You feel empty, and you're not sure if you stopped crying because you're not sad anymore or because you don't have any tears to cry left, but you stopped, and that's what matters most. You've been lying on the bed, on your back, staring at the ceiling for quite a bit. The call seems such a distant event now. You wonder if you should have gone - wouldn't it have been good for you? To distract yourself? Laugh?

But, no. They would have noticed.

You sigh, before getting up. You need to wash your face, drink some water, maybe eat something.

But the doorbell ringing startles you, and it takes the priority.

«I'm coming!» You wipe the remains of your tears from your cheeks, before hurrying to open the door.

«Wha-»You barely have the time to register what's happening before Nishinoya enters without a word and closes the door behind him, making you take some steps backwards.

«You're ''okay'', huh?» He looks at you, stern, his arms crossed. You're not quite sure what he means, but it doesn't take long to understand - and he seems to just stare at you until you do. Your voice broke. He heard that. You sobbed. Of course he didn't miss it. You haven't washed your face, and you've been crying a lot, so your eyes are probably really red.

«I...» Your voice gets caught in your throat, not sure on what to say. You can see worry in his eyes, and you almost want to cry again.

«You've been weird for a while... what's going on?» He frowns. You can't handle his gaze, so you avert your eyes, biting your lip. Is it really a good idea to tell him everything that's happened? About everything you hear when you're at school? Just thinking about it makes tears come up. Maybe it's a good idea.

Talking would only make you sob again at this moment, so you just gesture to him to follow you and you walk in the living room, sitting down on the couch, your legs pressed to your chest. He sits close to you, lifting one foot on the couch and resting his arm on it. 

You're not really used to see him so quiet, it's quite strange - so you take a big breath and decide to just talk. About everything, without leaving anything out.

 

«...how long has this been going on for?» His voice is low, his fist clenched, filled with anger - towards you or towards the bullies? You're not sure, maybe both.

«...a bit more than a month, give or take.» Yours is just a whisper, but you know he can hear you anyway, so you cast your eyes to the ground.

«Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you! You're not alone, you should've told us everything, we could've - we could've done something sooner!» His voice is getting louder, and you close your eyes, trembling.

«I'm sorry...» It's just a murmur, but it's the truth. Tears start flowing again, no matter how much you're trying to keep them back.

He looks at you, almost startled by the weakness of your words. Without thinking twice, he hugs you tightly.

«They don't know anything about you! I know the real you, and the real you is sweet and kind and compassionate and - and really cute!» He holds you firmly, while almost shouting the words in your ear. He took you by surprise, that's for sure - wasn't he mad with you too? Shouldn't he be shouting for a different reason?

«You're caring, and, and you're so supportive of me, of us - and you're important!» He's trying to list the good things in you. He's trying to cheer you up. He's trying to send away all the bad thoughts.

He's trying, and he's managing it pretty well.

You're not sure if the tears wetting your cheeks are from sadness anymore - the warmth of Nishinoya's body against yours, the caring tone of his words, his worry, it's all enough to make you feel that it's really going to be okay. He's here with you, after all.

You reach your arms around him, hugging him back and pressing your head in his shoulder. You cry loudly, not biting back any sobs. You empty yourself of all bad feelings. It's so easy to do when he's near.

«I'll make sure it doesn't happen anymore! So, don't worry! You have me guarding your back, from now on!» He breaks your hug and looks at you, his hands on your shoulders. He has his usual big grin on his face, and his eyes sparkle with confidence. How can you not believe him?

«...thank you.»

 

You're not sure if you should be surprised or not, but when you get back to school no one says anything bad to you. You're pretty sure that everytime you look towards one of the bullies, they're looking at you - but they look away as soon as you lay your gaze on them.

You have no doubts on who to thank once you see Nishinoya barely holding in a proud smile, asking you how was your morning.


End file.
